I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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