He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
