I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
