is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
