New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
