I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
