It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
