Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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