For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
