I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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