Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
