my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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