i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
