Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
