I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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