Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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