I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
