We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dear god my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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