He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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