She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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