i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
