You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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