I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
