I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
