I am in a vortex of obligation.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
