Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
