So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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