he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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