You can't special order awesome
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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