Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
