Non-Jews are for practice
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
