The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Text me some of your sweat
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
