Walk of Shame. In a state park.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
