I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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