why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
