Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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