That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love having hate sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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