I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
