i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
