11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
as a side note pls kill me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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