So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
