Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize