sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
