I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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