I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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