I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
