He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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