genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool