i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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