You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
