Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize