Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
