dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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