a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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