i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
PANTIES FOUND
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