Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
